Can Your Theology Withstand Harm To Others?

by Adam McCune on Sep 29th, 2010 at 11:00 pm

I am not a military man. My only experience with military matters comes from my collection of biographies, books, and journals from military commanders, ranking from private to lieutenant general.

One of the elements that I have learned from reading the words and works of these military men is that it was always easier to expose one’s self to danger than it was to order other men to their deaths (Napoleon being an exception). The brutal business of war required them to do their duty by making plans and ordering others to face death or mutilation while they watched or monitored the battle’s progress from a distance (Alexander the Great being an exception).

Facing harm and compelling others to endure hardship is not the same thing. The latter demands greater courage and surety of belief in a cause than does the former. While most of us will not command armies or face the brutal realities of command in the heat of combat, we, as men of God, will surely come to terms with this idea on a spiritual level. For us, the day will come when our theology will require us to ask others to face harm of some type for the sake of faithfulness to God’s teaching.

I never realized this aspect of spiritual leadership until I was married. Prior to marriage, I had faced my share of spiritual trials that resulted in some of harm to my life: loss of relationships, being misunderstood even for doing right, the breaking of reputation, receiving anger from unrepentant people who were confronted in ministry, etc. Granted, I never feared for my physical wellbeing and would not dare to presume that I have had to endure what soldiers endure (I’m actually trying to move away from that analogy at this point of the article). When I was in a situation, either as a youth pastor, friend, or Christian in an anti-Christian environment, I could make decisions knowing that the damage or fallout would be mine alone to bear.

As soon as I got married, the challenges that came from the reality of my theology all seemed to fall on my wife. My views concerning the Bible’s teaching on marriage, divorce, and remarriage have, on several occasions, tested the loyalty of my wife with friends. If I counseled her in one direction, she would have kept her friendships at the cost of violating my understanding of God’s Word. If I counseled according to my understanding of God’s Word, she would have potentially lost friendships with people she dearly and deeply loved. Oh, how I wish the relationships were just mine to risk instead of hers!

In all of those situations, we decided to lean upon the teaching of Scripture according to my understanding (and intense study). Thankfully, some of the friends involved respected our decision and the relationships have thrived. In other cases, however, my wife lost friends in a bitter way because of my beliefs and decisions as a spiritual leader of the McCune household. She exposed herself emotionally and took the bullets because of my leadership.

Because most of you who read this blog are not yet married, let me counsel you as one who is still learning the gravity of this reality: your theology matters and it will affect the lives of your wife, child(ren), church, and community. The question is not if your theology will affect them, but how.

Since remaining faithful to God’s Word will invite satanic opposition and the loss of affection from the world, you will inevitably be faced with situations where you will have to ask others to suffer for God’s sake when you yourself will not feel the stings and cuts as directly as those you love. Will you, man of God, purpose to not delay in making the right decision?

Let me suggest three ways that you can be ready for these moments:

1. Saturate your heart and mind with the Word of God. You cannot make valiant decisions without confidently knowing God’s declarations. His claims are sure. His view of reality is truly real. Therefore, you can lay the full weight of your leadership upon them. You must allow God’s Word to penetrate your heart so you don’t flee the right decision.
2. Build friendships with other men of God who will fortify your faithfulness to God’s Word when that day of decision arrives. You need other men who have families of their own to lead who will give you courage to make the right decision even though there will be casualties. These are usually the kind of friends who are either kicking you in the backside when you are being lazy or kick you in the backside when you just need a push to do something courageous.
3. Marry a woman who understands and submits to God’s Word with the same level of commitment as you. I had the easy job of telling my wife what our role would be in the situations that occurred. She had the more difficult task. She would have doubtless been tempted to either spare the friendships or trust her husband. She submitted to my leadership and never once uttered a complaint or harvested resentment against me even though she did openly voice her fears and concerns. If you find a God-honoring woman who will suffer for righteousness’ sake (which is not the same thing as a woman who will cater to her husband’s every desire of personal comfort), cash in all your chips and marry her.

When those you love and lead are in a situation where the prevention of pain would mean the sacrifice of obedience to God’s commands, will you have a theology that can withstand their exposure to harm? You most likely will not have to face such situations on a daily basis, but they will come and come unexpectedly. Think about it now before you have to act on it in marriage!