12 Reasons Why We Need Godly Men More Than Ever
by on Oct 20th, 2009 at 11:11 pm
#11 - Lust is Killing Our Marriages, Families, & Ministries Before they Start
Becoming an alcoholic or drug addict is actually pretty difficult if you never actually drink any alcohol or use drugs. At worst, we may have a predisposition to these things, but the addiction will lie dormant unless we open the door to let it in. However, sexual addiction is different for men because our pubescent hormones launch a lifetime of desire. We don’t need to experience sex to be obsessed with it.
As if this reality isn’t tough enough, we now have the ability to bring millions of sexual images into our homes at no cost, and the risk of being discovered is minimal. We are like smokers who live in a gunpowder factory!
Living a life of sexual purity is frighteningly hard work, and the temptations do not escape us until our sinful bodies are locked away in a coffin and encased in the ground. Pursuing sexual purity will be one of the biggest fights in our lives, but we must take control of our bodies and minds, and we need to fight together to stand a chance.
Part of my frustration with the issue of lust is how destructive it is and how silently we fall to its charms. Christian men are killing their marriages, families, and ministries before they even start, and we are doing this in secret isolation. We kill our marriages because our consumption of pornography and lustful thoughts pervert what sex really is. Either we train our minds to abuse our wives by objectifying them for our own sexual hedonism or we render ourselves sexually impotent because real sex does not create the same sensations that masturbation does. Furthermore, lust requires variety. We need new images, new videos for the mind, and new women to satisfy our ever-increasing lustful needs. None of this squares with the reality of biblical marriage, which is one woman for the rest of your life.
Our families are destroyed before we have them because we train ourselves to make our own physical compulsions more important than those we are supposed to serve. We are granting ourselves permission to be sexually selfish, and such selfishness spreads to the rest of our relationships.
Our ministries are compromised because we are either losing respect by not living above reproach or we are becoming timid because our secret sins rob us of courage. Having ministered to many men who are living under the grip of pornography, I can testify to the depression and shame that holds men back from actually confessing their sin, living in pursuit of holiness, and being leaders. They think, deep down inside, that they have lost the ability to actively serve God because of their sin, so they quit trying to pursue leadership qualities.
Satan has effectively isolated and deceived all of us regarding sexual temptation. We are prone to think that Godly men don’t struggle with lust, which means that when we struggle we keep our mouths shut to save face. Once alone, we’re as good as dead.
I honestly think that biblical manhood never involved effortless freedom from sexual temptation. I also do not think that Godly men pursued purity without the help of other Godly men. In fact, I think that we need to start talking to each other and encouraging each other about pursuing Godliness in our calendars, studies, ministries, and sexual conduct. This means so much more than asking the question, “Did you masturbate this week?” I am talking about men being brave enough to protect each other from tempting situations, and actively finding ways to love our wives properly, even if we have not met them yet. Men, being sexually pure in singleness is a demonstration of your faithfulness to your future spouse and vows that you will make to each other.
When men treat sexuality like God intended, wives are inspired, children have a secure home, and churches have reputations that honor the Lord. We are all vulnerable to scarring this vision, so let’s stand together, start recognizing weakness, and turn together toward God to help us honor the marriage bed.